where the story ends

The last day of 2010.
posted on Friday, December 31, 2010 at 3:05 AM | 0 cmnt/s



May look wrong. may look blurry, but yes, this is the result of playing too much Far East Nightbird.

And here we are, the 365th and final day of 2010. The last day of doing whatever we want to do in 2010 before welcoming 2011.

As for what I would wish for in upcoming 2011? Well there are many, but shall list down a few...

1. That school would prove to be a better time for zyzm, and that 2011 would better for them, compared to fked up 2010..
2. That the spirit of -Silence- will die, despite all the horrible things I have done.
3. That the techcrew will stay as one big epic, noisy, but warm and happy family, despite the introduction of '10-member per crew' crew race.
4. That everybody else whom i know will stay happy despite all the crap that might come their way...

And for some personal wishes..

1. That my family would stay safe, strong and healthy...
2. For a better life ahead too.
3. To be really able to say from the bottom of my heart, 'I'm so happy.'

Well, the past week I've really been audiing a little too much i would say, even going to the extent to buy fam channel and earning fam points.. Spent lots of 'quality time' though, which made me kinda happy. Ah wells, this kind of lifestyle is gonna cease to exist soon, thanks to one roadblock that will never fail to get into people's way: S.C.H.O.O.L.

Later on will probably meet Joshua first, before going down to cine to celebrate the new year with the techcrew. So i guess i shall get some sleep now, yea?

For the last time in 2010, signing off.

Hi girl,
I know its a tough decision to make,
but all i can say is, Just follow your heart,
I'll support you no matter what your decision is, yea?

Because i'd be the dumbest fool on earth if I ever let you go again.

2010 is ending.
posted on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 at 11:03 PM | 0 cmnt/s



Posted this coz i found it meaningful.

2010 is ending. Lots of events have happened. Since I will be out the whole day on friday, new year's eve, i figured i'd review 2010 in this blog post.

2010 was a very bad year for me in terms of relationships. They all failed because of various reasons, ranging from me getting the wrong idea of things to me being addicted to games. As such, I've remained single for, lets see.. around 4months already. Achievement for me, as last year was break > get new girl year for me. Till today, i'm still single, though i'm quite certain of my definition of 'true happiness'.

Game-wise, 2010 has been an up-down year too. A group of noisy individuals got together because of a common passion - DJ Max Technika. This group of people then got together and called themselves a crew. Unlike in other countries where people who play this game were split up like guilds in online rpgs, in Singapore, everyone chatted with each other openly, more or less thanks to my brother, Ian, for putting in the effort to bring everyone together. This resulted in a year of endless laughter, facepalms, epic moments, but most importantly, the warmth of family.

As for the group of guys, I still feel guilty, because I did a lot of harmful things to them throughout the past year. >.>

All i can pray now, is for 2011 to be better than fked up 2010.

Girl, I'm helplessly in love with you.
Though, i'm afraid i may not be good enough...

Inner thoughts.
posted on Monday, December 27, 2010 at 12:22 AM | 0 cmnt/s




Finally found some time to blog. First and foremost, even though its already 2 days late, I would like to wish everyone a belated merry christmas, let us all look forward to 2011, because 2010 was just too crappy. (:

How i spent my christmas... On the eve, I went over to charmain's house for the techcrew's potluck party. Reached there kinda late, but had a lot of fun together. However, there seemed to be too much food, so yea..

Ended up staying over, but kinda disappointed someone in the process. >.>

As for the day of Christmas, I didnt go for the iceskating thing, neither did i crash at joshyap's place. Felt kinda bad. In the evening however, I met up with JoshLoh at batok to play pool.

While waiting for him, it rained super heavily, to the point that i got drench even when i was standing inside the shelter. Add the factors like being alone in the bus stop, shivering like mad even though I'm wearing longsleeves, and recieving kinda cold replies, and you get retribution for ven. Eventually, he reached, and the rain subsided.

Played pool, then headed down to khakabo to ton the night. Supper before that.

While at khakabo, josh wanted to find cpl, so I helped him make room. Liling saw, and helped, but before that, josh found a 'F> Horny guy' room, and entered.

Josh: Hi, merry christmas!
Girl: hihi.
Girl: so late haven't sleep?
Josh: yea haven't.
Girl: Oh, hahas.
Josh: I'm Josuha, nice to meet you.
Girl: I'm Jxxxx (censor name for privacy's sake), nice to meet you too.
Josh: how old are you?
Girl: 32

-Josh exits room, shows me a wtf face-

Slept for awhile at there too, and then had breakfast, then headed home.

For the next few days, i'd be rotting at home. >.>

Miscommunication.
posted on Thursday, December 23, 2010 at 1:39 PM | 0 cmnt/s

When i say i dowan tag heart, i dowan earn money, without saying anything else that happened, its no wonder people will think i have no heart to tag.

Give you a case scenario, imagine u promise ur friend that you'll help him out with something, but ur son is not happy because you actually promised him that you'll take him to the playground to play. What will do in this case? So i'm supposed to tell my son, 'oh sorry son, i'm busy, i cannot bring you to the playground today cause i have to help my friend'?

Finding excuses to not tag? Think whatever you want. My conscience is fking clear.

Because i know we're not alone.
posted on Wednesday, December 22, 2010 at 3:08 AM | 0 cmnt/s



So lets form more memories together, shall we?

3 days to christmas. Prolly a lonely one i guess.

I can watch the world pass by,
Just long as its you and I.

Why.
posted on Monday, December 20, 2010 at 2:04 AM | 0 cmnt/s



Perfmaster92. Sorry just gotta post this, ;x

Christmas is coming...

And i'm gonna have some serious troubles waking up early later, 10.30am meet at cityhall mrt for josh's birthday celebration ._.

As for what happened today.. All i can say is, I'm Happy. (:

Who do i love?
I need time to figure this out.

Sweet Message.
posted on Saturday, December 18, 2010 at 2:44 AM | 0 cmnt/s



Today is the Technika Crew's 'Physical Disability Awareness Day'. But basically, this joker called Joshua came to cine in a wheelchair. -.-

Headed to cine today, as usual. The jubeat machines were already set up for Sunday's competition. Made me kinda afraid too, because of the things that happened within the jubeat community.. But nevertheless, had tons of fun today, more fun slacking around with those guys than playing the games.

As captured by that pic above, and the caption, yes, this josh, he came to cine in a wheelchair... And everyone ended up using it at a certain point in time. There was this particular incident which made us laugh though. Charmain, Cicada, Zhixian, hayako (Jingxiong and Tricia), Josh and I wanted to go to cheers to get some drinks...

Incident 1:
I was on the wheelchair. Tried to get into cheers, but got stuck halfway...
On comes this malay guy, who offered to push me in... -.-
When inside, I had to hide to prevent them from finding out...

Incident 2:
The guys were going up to the 3rd floor (zonex), this time Josh being on the wheelchair. But the problem is, the guys went up by escalator... Bo pian, we took the lift...

Went up to the 3rd floor, only to realise that the guys were already at toastbox.
*NABEH CHEEBYE, HAVE TO GO DOWN AGAIN...*

-pressed the lift down-

Lift comes.. But is full...

-waits for next lift-

Some NYP students were at scape settling some logistics stuff. So it so happened that this guy pressed the lift for us to get in first...

Went down, met the guys, and only then...

Josh: what if, just now, we swapped positions, you on the wheelchair, and im pushing you?

Me: Wow that would be epic.

Josh: Then the guys would go like, 'Sorry lift is... Huh? *stares at the wheelchair-bound person being different*

The competition's on sunday... I still have my fears.

At the end of the day, i'm left to ask myself, Why me...

Why make me choose. Why must i be the one who has to hurt somebody...

Freesia.
posted on Thursday, December 16, 2010 at 2:42 AM | 0 cmnt/s





As the above audi sses show... Yeap. My highest ring in my entire audi life. Because its with you, thats what made it special.

Wednesday at a glance...

-Headed to school, bumped into Maylin on the bus. But there were some stuff that was on my mind, so I din really talk much..
-Endured 3 hours of Sucking-Up-to-Dr-Loh-SessionSharing session of our growth portfoilos.
-Went straight over to cousin's after that.
-Helped Liting tag her level. (did my GISP Assignment in the process. Now i'm just left with the report and printing out everything.)
-Tagged hearts all the way to Freesia.

And here i am, blogging, and gonna sleep. Oyasumi.

Did you know,
that you were the one who brought back the smile on my face?

personal note.
posted on Wednesday, December 15, 2010 at 8:58 AM | 0 cmnt/s

Awake at this hour, at cousin's, probably going home any moment.

Gonna make the effort to arrive at cpd tut early later on. But after that, I have no more plans. I hate having no plans. I hate feeling bored. I hate rotting at home.

I thought i was superhuman, I could keep all my thoughts and emotions aside and be cool.

I was totally wrong.

Love.
posted on Monday, December 13, 2010 at 7:52 AM | 0 cmnt/s



Currently waiting for my freaking hair and ears to dry before going to school.And im gonna run a risk of being late. ;/

Plan for this week isnt that much, gonna focus on my GISP assignment for very much the whole week. Tagging hearts wise, tagged with ling till aster within 5 days, way on schedule for fresia by this weekend...

Time to head to school. Bye Peeps.

I want to be yours, today, tomorrow, and every single day after tomorrow.

Dear Dairy.
posted on Saturday, December 11, 2010 at 1:38 AM | 0 cmnt/s



You guys never fail to make my life more colourful. I love you, TechCrew. <3

I would say today was an emotional roller coaster.

First, headed to ian's place for a swimming session, was kinda late there, but also had lots of epic fun too. But after we got changed, that was where everything started to go downhill...

First, josh left for home because he felt that nobody was bothering about him. I felt guilty because of that. Because i only messaged some people about the swimming event, about us watching amagami ep23, etc...

Halfway through, we decided to leave for the Airpork.. then i saw a fb status... Asked who the girl is... It was indeed her...

*goes to fb via hp, puts status, "I Lost."

Next moment, she called me, asked me if i was Okay. I told her i was fine, told her not to worry. When we hung up... *Looks left to find charmain* *Leans on her bag* *Starts crying*

In my mind, Germaine's and Kelee's advice was going all through me. And i thought to myself, See Ven, this is the result of you having no balls. Eat that, fag. But, I have no idea why, the tears just came down...

Ian told me it was okay, dont blame myself. I just cant. It was all my fault to start with...

Detoured to josh's to wait for him to come out, then headed over to the airport... Which was where all the epic events came coming...

First up, macs. Met Uguu (the guy who's flying), raymond, lacus, and hayako there, then we decided to order our food there. As usual, mr Josh, the hobo, with a table filled with leftover fries...

Josh: Eh someone help me take chilli sauce!
*chilli sauce comes*
*Josh sits down, dips a fry in chilli sauce, and starts eating...*

Had a H2HT with charmain about the earlier incident along the way, then took photos, then sent uguu off.

The next few hours were too epic to be described in words.

Then it was time to go home. Split to our going home groups, walked to the Bus Bay, and the clock happened to be 11:11pm. I made a wish...

Reached bishan, no 88 home, nevermind, walk to guangyang, wait for the last 157.. and here i am at home, blogging.

The next few blockquotes are for the various people who I have to thank, for being with me through all this.

@TechCrew
Not all of you would have witnessed what happened,
but the times spent together did make me feel better today...
Like Saddy Said,
Today was the day where we could see, with our own eyes, how the TechCrew is united.
Ven is an irritant,
he's loud, scolds the most vulgarities, is hyperactive, etc.
For all these, I'd apologise if any of these had made you guys feel irritated.
But all I can say now is,
Ven will always be here, Ven will always be looking after you guys.
No such thing as 'competition',
cause we are, after all,
a F.A.M.I.L.Y.


@Ian
Dear ian,
Do you know, that you have always been an elder brother to me.
All throughout my life, Many people around treat me as elder,
but nobody was really there to be that 'elder brother' that i Never had,
the one who would take care of me.
Thanks for being there for me through all the darkest periods,
Thanks for accepting all my flaws,
and most importantly,
Thanks for being that 'elder bro' that I never had.
NS is here for you, takecares when u're in camp.
And when u book out, we'll still have all the fun that we always had,
right bro?


@Zhixian
Hi saddy..
First to say, apologies for spamming your msn with ridiculous pictures/posts/whatever.
But I'm really glad I've met you, Glad that u've entered the family,
because you bring fun and joy to everyone around you.

Remember my advice:
Don't wait till its too late, Don't become like me.

Oh wait, remember this too.
Ven will always be here for you, however irritating you might find me to be.


@Charmain
Hi Subgirlf,
from the time that we first met at T1 till today, you've always been the one to bring smiles to the crew.
Despite how fked up my life is,
you still choose to be there.
You still choose to listen to whatever grieviances i have.
That always helps.. Even though it seems like im giving you more burdens.

Stay strong, stay happy okay? I dont wanna see the person who brings smiles, sad herself. (:


@Vincent
Yo Bro...
we're at the same boat... well at least until today.
I know u're trying hard too..
Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.
More importantly, jiayous in wooing her,
but if anything happens,
Ven is always here. I'm just an sms or msn away okay?

Gambaru, Bro.


@Germaine
From 22may till today, its been a really long period of time.
But despite all the bad things that happen,
we're still able to resolve all these, right?
Although we cant be together now,
at least we're still best of siblings.
Apologies for not heeding your advice, scold me for all you want.

I'm thankful that you entered my life,
because you did the job that hardly any people would do;
To get to know me better, and then be there for me no matter what happens.

I want you to be happy.


@Reuben
One word sums it all: Gome.

I still feel guilty, because i kinda indirectly broke your heart.
Probably you'll hate me for it now, I'll accept that.
But if you need any listening ear, go to your contacts, search for 'Ven'
I'll be here, whether to let you whack me, or to be your listening ear.


Lastly, @Liling:
Things have happened already.
Don't lose your heart because of this.
I'd blame myself more if you did that.

Remember i told you just now,
Just.Follow.Your.Heart.
I was a coward. I was a fool.
I was afraid that If i did tell you face to face, I would even lose the friendship that we already have.
And I Paid my Price.

Still, I'd say this:
Regardless of how you view me as,
always remember, Ven can be irritating, Ven can be a pest,
but Ven will be more than willing to listen to all your grieviances.

I'll probably say this thing here ba.

Hi Liling, I Love You.


Edit @ 4.44am

Just about to sleep.. read saddy's blog, saw something he wrote, I felt it was meaningful.

It's alright to cry, when things like this happen and you're not prepared for it.

But zhixian, nobody has ever made me break down before...

There's no way I'll give up until all hopes are killed.
On the same note, there's no way u'll be able to avoid this situation either.

Background.
posted on Wednesday, December 8, 2010 at 12:21 AM | 0 cmnt/s

Today was kind of a long day, awake very early, and now its 12 midnight, and im not sleeping.

Initially, was supposed to wake up at roughly 1am to marry Liling in audi (as in, our noob accs). However, being the pig that i usually am, I woke up at 4.44am instead. Thank goodness, liling stayed awake, waited, knowing my pattern. Kinda feel guilty for it though.

Warmed up, wedding-ed, passed with one try, all on that sucky com i have back at my cousin's. Then cbp-ed abit with her, and it was off to school already. ._.

As for today's CFC tutorials, MrsAsha was talking about our birth orders.. When she went through what the only childs would grow up like, etc, etc.. It kinda made me think through what kind of childhood i had.

Well I was born into a family of many adults, and my mum gave birth to me quite late too. Thus, I was kinda forced to grow up quicker than usual. Also, my family would always instill in me, never to bother about other people's business, so as to prevent trouble.

When meeting new people, its always a cycle. First, he does his things, i do my stuffs. Then as I slowly warm up, I then become the complete opposite: a hyper person with extreme reactions, being very talkative, and very loud.. This results in them finding me either irritating or irksome, and then I go back to being the cold and quiet me.

Also, when young, old woman would always instill in me to be very result-oriented. Couple that with being a competitive swimmer back in my younger days, I grew to become competitive in whatever I have interest in. At my age now, it has proven to have reverse effects instead.

... This is probably why I sense lots of hate in the technika community geared at my direction. Ah wells.

Anyway, after tut, back to cousin's, then back to school for ICU lecture... or rather, ICU sleeping session. Shant elaborate. Then off to clarke Quay to get Sticky. Bought a Jar and a packet (obviously the jar of sticky is for home consumption, and the packet is for on-the-spot consumption), then did the usual: whichever bus that comes first will determine where I go... 190 came... off to dbg...

Played some tech there, bought Ready Now MX, nearly died at the mindfk purples, blah.
After that, headed to khakabo, thinking that my baka would have patched audi already, and then we could chiong cbp like mad...

Sadly, her com had problems patching, internet made fun of her... Ah wells. Played awhile there, then homed.

I really must thank you a lot...
Because if you didnt appear, I'd probably still be in that depressive state.
Arigato, <3

Strength.
posted on Monday, December 6, 2010 at 12:53 AM | 0 cmnt/s



So don't complain about all the negative things in your life.

Today. Was. Fking. Awesome.

Went over to East Coast Park today, as part of an event i organised together with ian, for the technika crew, to celebrate Abigail's and the 'Special Event', Tricia's birthday. Well the event was kinda last-minute planned, because of school commitements and all the other sheet that happened in my life recently, but nevertheless. Ordered the cake for the guys, paid deposit, met them at mac. After everyone came, we went to cycle and rollerblade. Oh wait, apparently uguu, cicada and I were folks that were unable to cycle, so we had dbl bike tompangs instead. >.>" (embarrassing fact). But anyways, with ian there, all these became forgotten.

Cycled, had loads of fun, and after awhile, Charmain joined in, and then after returning the bikes, joshua came. So when everyone was ready, we headed to Arcade Museum. Wait, its actually the EZone at East Coast Park, filled with super super old arcade machines. Spent some time there, and then headed over to parkway parade for dinner.

Oh wait, talking about collecting the cake. Originally told the staff there that I would come at around 3.45pm.. And because of all the activities, I ended up collecting the cake at 6.45pm. < Win?

Moving on. Initially the guys decided on PP's foodcourt for dinner, but we ended up at KFC instead, because of.. the lack of seats. Dinner, blahblah, Cake-cutting session, lots of epic moments, cake-smearing, etc.

Then it was what the technika guys do best: Technika sessions, then Home Sweet Home.

Came home feeling happier than ever. And i realised, its been a while since I last felt this happy.

So to this person out there, think I'll go down because of what happened between us? NO. FUCKING. WAY. (:

Hi baka, Just one more day eh? <3

This is it.
posted on Sunday, December 5, 2010 at 4:12 AM | 0 cmnt/s



Quoted for truth.

Guess this is it. I'm really amazed at how just one incident can make the closest of friends become complete strangers.

As of now, I'll never open up to anybody new again, because i know, it'll be everyone's biggest regret if they get to know me better.

But to be frank... I'm really at a loss as to what to do now. Things have gotten into the worst state ever, facing negative critisism from everywhere, having to worry about so many things.. Hence the decision to be cold.

Because the person who used to be the pillar of strength to everyone, can no longer support himself.

Give me a few days. I'll get out of this, stronger, better than ever.

Hi Person, Think you can beat me down? Think again.

Maybe. Perhaps.
posted on Saturday, December 4, 2010 at 5:16 AM | 0 cmnt/s



Perhaps its true.

Prolly gonna be a short update for this. Apparently Liling came over, and she's gonna go off soon. Blogging while she's training her beatrush. Best part, before meeting her, she told me that I would have company... End up its in the form of a melody plushie. -faints-

18 years of life has taught me, Never open up fully to anyone. NEVER.

Falling deeper...

Hello December.
posted on Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 1:48 AM | 0 cmnt/s



Stand there and watch you burn, eh?

December already, eh? How time flies...

With december, it means christmas is coming, which also means 2011 is coming... Thats fast isnt it?

Thinking back through the past 11 months, I have lost so many friends, gained so many enemies.. in short, 2010 has been a very bad year. Something that I don't really wanna remember.

It's time to break free.
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