where the story ends

When you're unable to lie to yourself anymore.
posted on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 7:14 PM | 0 cmnt/s

Three days into attachment. Three days of trying to fight off the zzzs while in class. Three days of trying out different ways to get children with ASD to engage in their activities. More importantly, these three days see many many more events that are affecting the SGRhymix Family.

SGRhymix, originally the 'SG Technika Crew', was formed with the aim of establishing everyone as a Family, regardless of the different games that we play. Within this period of time, many important bonds have been formed, I have made many close friends with many different kinds of people, shared many wonderful memories together, as a family..

However, through this period of time, while I may have a group of close friends, I seem to feel that I'm always an extra in the group, I'm always someone whom everyone wants to avoid certain topics with, and more importantly, I'm always someone whom everyone hates. As for the reason why, its simple: my personality, the typical 'chao ahbeng', the person who is always the loudest in the group, the person who never fails to embarrass everyone, and more importantly, give trouble to everyone.

In the past, I've been treated as someone who 'one sticks to when they need you, but runs far away when you need them'. I'm feeling this all over again, and the reasons for that are all the same.

But then again, I have nobody to blame, but myself. Some will tell me, 'aiya ven, just change can le ma'. Its not that i don't want to, but if i did change, i would no longer be a unique person, i'd just be that typical sterotyped 'nice person' that everyone expects. More importantly, there will be doubters, and there will always be haters. Its something that nothing can change.

To SgRhymix, Especially to the peeps im close to, Ian, josh, Zhixian, just to name a few, please don't fking blame yourself for what i'm feeling. Simple reason: I Deserved all this.

Because i know, many people will be more than happy if im no longer a part of SGRhymix, so how do i even deserve to be an admin of SGRhymix?

To the haters, call this attention-seeking or whatever, i don't care. These are all my genuine feelings.

When you just dont fit in.
posted on Sunday, April 24, 2011 at 12:47 AM | 0 cmnt/s

Sometimes I just have to wonder why on earth am i made to be like this,
Always causing trouble for others.
Being called someone with a manipulative mind.

As a result of that, It feels as if im not even existant.
At the end of the day, nobody knows how much fking effort i put into what i want to do.
Nobody knows how much fking effort i put into the things that I want to excel.
And yet they see that as being selfish.

Nevermind about that, with everyone looking at me like this,
I dont even deserve to be an admin of SGRhymix,
I dont even deserve to BE IN SGRhymix.

Most importantly... I dont deserve her love, being such a person.

To Cicada: Do whatever you want from now on, as i know millions of 'I'm Sorry's or whatever i do will never be able to make up for whatever I have done.

Gomen.
posted on Thursday, April 21, 2011 at 9:52 PM | 0 cmnt/s

For the first time in my entire life i let 20th pass.

Weakening.
posted on Sunday, April 10, 2011 at 11:54 PM | 0 cmnt/s

To be quite honest,
I'm getting emotionally weaker as the days pass.

Im afraid that my transformation will not be accepted.
Im afraid that i will screw everything up again.
Most importantly, im afraid of how life will become if you leave.

Love Call.
posted on Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:23 PM | 0 cmnt/s



When i woke up hearing this, I felt tears.

Unappreciated and Invisible.
posted on Tuesday, April 5, 2011 at 11:17 PM | 0 cmnt/s

Sometimes i wonder why when things happen,
I am always unable to create a win-win after all.

Perhaps im really not that important.

Insecurities.
posted on Saturday, April 2, 2011 at 11:59 PM | 0 cmnt/s

As of now, it's 12am.
For some reason, I'm feeling very insecure, very scared, but whatever.
Just gonna do what I plan to do.
Thank you ian, for reassuring me that I'll do fine...

Though it wasnt the best, but just hope you liked it.
Stay strong and happy always, alright?

Happy Birthday, My love. (:
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