where the story ends

When you're unable to lie to yourself anymore.
posted on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 7:14 PM | 0 cmnt/s

Three days into attachment. Three days of trying to fight off the zzzs while in class. Three days of trying out different ways to get children with ASD to engage in their activities. More importantly, these three days see many many more events that are affecting the SGRhymix Family.

SGRhymix, originally the 'SG Technika Crew', was formed with the aim of establishing everyone as a Family, regardless of the different games that we play. Within this period of time, many important bonds have been formed, I have made many close friends with many different kinds of people, shared many wonderful memories together, as a family..

However, through this period of time, while I may have a group of close friends, I seem to feel that I'm always an extra in the group, I'm always someone whom everyone wants to avoid certain topics with, and more importantly, I'm always someone whom everyone hates. As for the reason why, its simple: my personality, the typical 'chao ahbeng', the person who is always the loudest in the group, the person who never fails to embarrass everyone, and more importantly, give trouble to everyone.

In the past, I've been treated as someone who 'one sticks to when they need you, but runs far away when you need them'. I'm feeling this all over again, and the reasons for that are all the same.

But then again, I have nobody to blame, but myself. Some will tell me, 'aiya ven, just change can le ma'. Its not that i don't want to, but if i did change, i would no longer be a unique person, i'd just be that typical sterotyped 'nice person' that everyone expects. More importantly, there will be doubters, and there will always be haters. Its something that nothing can change.

To SgRhymix, Especially to the peeps im close to, Ian, josh, Zhixian, just to name a few, please don't fking blame yourself for what i'm feeling. Simple reason: I Deserved all this.

Because i know, many people will be more than happy if im no longer a part of SGRhymix, so how do i even deserve to be an admin of SGRhymix?

To the haters, call this attention-seeking or whatever, i don't care. These are all my genuine feelings.
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