where the story ends

Memory Loss.
posted on Wednesday, May 18, 2011 at 7:51 PM | 0 cmnt/s

Recently, everyone has been facing a whole lot of problems. The big group, SGRhymix, is also in a heckload of problems as well.. While I try my best to help everyone out as much I can...

...but what good can you do when you cannot manage yourself well? Today I had observations by my field mentor, and all I can say is... it was horrible. Because I know that I had made quite a number of critical mistakes, thus resulting into what I had planned not being really successful. Normally, many people would just brush it off, some would reflect... But I dont handle setbacks well. Because I know im a perfectionist, and I'll want to do everything to get everything right.. As such, Whenever a setback occurs, I'm hit hard. I would lose interest in what I'm doing, just to think about whatever that had went wrong.

To many, this is normal. But nothing's normal when you can even forget about critical stuffs like project meetings after work, or to even forget to alight from your bus stop.. 'To go into a state of Amnesia just because of a setback, you must be kidding, right?' - I believe many people would be thinking this way...

Ah well, what to do, suck thumb, think of how I can get things right, stand up and move on nor.

As for now, I just wish that everyone will be able to genuinely smile, regardless of the shit they're going through. (:

Shall end with a picture.



2 more days, do you remember? <3

GG lah.
posted on Sunday, May 8, 2011 at 3:25 AM | 0 cmnt/s

Right now, I feel so fking demoralized.

May.
posted on Monday, May 2, 2011 at 11:42 PM | 0 cmnt/s



Naru. She's kawaii, no?

Time really flies; now its May, the 5th month of 2011...

But in this month, I'm doing nothing but attachments, attachments, more attachments everyday... Just one week in, and im finding myself waking up as early as 10am even on weekends.

However, this month has a lot of short weeks. This week is a 3 day week, having today as a holiday. and going back to school on wednesday, while the next 2 weeks are 4 day weeks (Nxt wk, monday's off due to polling day in-lieu, while the week after, Vesak Day's on a Tuesday.) Blessing in disguise, I guess?

Speaking of may, it's also my birthday month. Come to think of it, last year's birthday was a relatively simple one (other than the fact that I had 2 birthday cakes, one filled with nothing but CUTTLEFISH). But really, so much has happened since then. One year ago, I was into audi, dota and etc, and one year later, I've become an anime freak. But whether this change is a good one or not, I am not in the position to judge..

Till the next post.

As long as you're happy, i'll be happy.
Imissyou.

When you're unable to lie to yourself anymore.
posted on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 7:14 PM | 0 cmnt/s

Three days into attachment. Three days of trying to fight off the zzzs while in class. Three days of trying out different ways to get children with ASD to engage in their activities. More importantly, these three days see many many more events that are affecting the SGRhymix Family.

SGRhymix, originally the 'SG Technika Crew', was formed with the aim of establishing everyone as a Family, regardless of the different games that we play. Within this period of time, many important bonds have been formed, I have made many close friends with many different kinds of people, shared many wonderful memories together, as a family..

However, through this period of time, while I may have a group of close friends, I seem to feel that I'm always an extra in the group, I'm always someone whom everyone wants to avoid certain topics with, and more importantly, I'm always someone whom everyone hates. As for the reason why, its simple: my personality, the typical 'chao ahbeng', the person who is always the loudest in the group, the person who never fails to embarrass everyone, and more importantly, give trouble to everyone.

In the past, I've been treated as someone who 'one sticks to when they need you, but runs far away when you need them'. I'm feeling this all over again, and the reasons for that are all the same.

But then again, I have nobody to blame, but myself. Some will tell me, 'aiya ven, just change can le ma'. Its not that i don't want to, but if i did change, i would no longer be a unique person, i'd just be that typical sterotyped 'nice person' that everyone expects. More importantly, there will be doubters, and there will always be haters. Its something that nothing can change.

To SgRhymix, Especially to the peeps im close to, Ian, josh, Zhixian, just to name a few, please don't fking blame yourself for what i'm feeling. Simple reason: I Deserved all this.

Because i know, many people will be more than happy if im no longer a part of SGRhymix, so how do i even deserve to be an admin of SGRhymix?

To the haters, call this attention-seeking or whatever, i don't care. These are all my genuine feelings.

When you just dont fit in.
posted on Sunday, April 24, 2011 at 12:47 AM | 0 cmnt/s

Sometimes I just have to wonder why on earth am i made to be like this,
Always causing trouble for others.
Being called someone with a manipulative mind.

As a result of that, It feels as if im not even existant.
At the end of the day, nobody knows how much fking effort i put into what i want to do.
Nobody knows how much fking effort i put into the things that I want to excel.
And yet they see that as being selfish.

Nevermind about that, with everyone looking at me like this,
I dont even deserve to be an admin of SGRhymix,
I dont even deserve to BE IN SGRhymix.

Most importantly... I dont deserve her love, being such a person.

To Cicada: Do whatever you want from now on, as i know millions of 'I'm Sorry's or whatever i do will never be able to make up for whatever I have done.
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